More bookmarks.

When I started to read through The Poetry of Yehuda Amichai, I found that Sophie had left more bookmarks than the one I found the other day.  One was a torn piece of tissue paper between the “Ballad of the Long Hair and the Short Hair” and the long poem “The Visit of the Queen of Sheba.”  Not sure what significance these had for Sophie.

The other bookmark looked like a scrap of paper cut out from a poem she was working on.  It had the words

ramble with me
don’t lame me

care for me

Actually, Laura’s sister Julie had sent the family a Google document with a number of her mother’s poems, and I found the one from which this scrap came.

Amble the Scramble
words found in the word scramble

Like a lamb
in a marl of marble

as a bear
not there

or two bears, bare
in scam of blame

ramble with me
don’t lame me

care for me
don’t scare me

don’t scram
or scream

I am a male
or a good meal

I am able
I am real.

Since this scrap indicates that she probably placed it recently, the two poems do seem personally significant: “I Want to Die in My Bed,” which she did, and “To the Mother,” which she was.

The second section of the second poem touches on Sophie’s visceral pain that was so difficult to mitigate for so long.

I want to talk through
the deep ravines of her sobs.

I want to stand in the heat wave
of her silence.

I want to lean
on the rough tree trunks of her pain.

Laura’s treatments were more the source of her visceral pain than the cancer itself.  I never experienced Sophie’s anger, but in a previous post I described Laura’s white hot silent anger during one of Anne Mei’s music lessons.

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